Forbidden Love
by ktshdw
Summary: The Doctor has a conversation about Janeway’s future in his office that makes her think seriously about what she has prevented herself from having. Prequel to “Kushangaza”


Forbidden Love

©2006

Summery: The Doctor has a conversation about Janeway's future in his office that makes her think seriously about what she has prevented herself from having. Prequel to "Kushangaza"

Author's Note: Some of the characters may be out of character sorry. Takes place right after "Collective" I was only going to be writing one fan fiction and it turned out to be two. Stay tuned for the sequel and don't forget to R&R. Author's love feedback it helps them become more creative.

Janeway walks into Cargo Bay 2 just as Seven "tucked" the new members of her crew into their alcoves.

"How are they Seven?"

"They are regenerating"

"I can see that what I want to know is how do you think they will be now that they are disconnected from the hive mind?"

"They will adapt just as I have."

"Seven they are going to need your guidance to get them through this. Was it presumptuous of me to assign their care to you?"

"I'll admit I am uneasy about the situation but perhaps my guidance is what they need to adapt to their new life on Voyager."

Janeway walks up to Seven and places a gentle hand on the younger woman's shoulder.

"Seven I know how difficult it has been for you to adjust to living as an individual. You were a member of the Borg for 18 years. All you knew was the collective but you've turned out so much better then I ever expected. These children were only a member of the collective for a short time until we find their parents you are all they have."

"It was difficult adjusting as an individual I don't believe I would have adapted without the Doctor or…you. When I first came to Voyager, three years ago, I had only one goal in mind, to defeat species 8472. I had no intention of remaining here as a member of your crew. There were times all I wanted was to return to what I knew. I never said thank you for giving me my individuality back. I am grateful to you I will _always_ be grateful for what you did for me. I don't know if I will ever be able to repay you for that."

"Seven you already have."

Janeway smiles at Seven and exits the cargo bay. A few minutes later Janeway returns to sickbay to check on their other passenger, the infant Borg. The Doctor is scanning her as she silently sleeps. Janeway walks up the infant and strokes the child's cheek. The Doctor managed to extract nearly all of her Borg implants. Janeway smiles as the Doctor finishes his treatment.

"How is she Doctor?"

"She's as well as can be expected. As you can see I managed to extract all of her external Borg implants however I did need to keep a few implants until she old enough to have them removed."

"Old enough to have them removed?"

"Captain she's was still a fetus when her family was assimilated she's only 32 weeks old. While most of her physiology is complete she still can't maintain her own temperature or eat on her own. That's why she's still inside the incubator and why she nearly died on that Borg cube. If we hadn't come by when we did she never would have made it."

"Are you telling me that the Borg took her out of her mother while she was still pregnant and placed her inside this…maturation chamber?"

"Yes I suppose the Borg thought that she had a better chance outside of her mother with their technology."

"Or a pregnant drone had no use to perfecting the collective. Do you think that her parents were on the cube with her?"

"We may never know. From my scans she is human?"

"She's human?"

"Yes in fact she's half-human, half-betazoid."

"I wonder if her parents were in Starfleet?"

"I suppose we will never know. Perhaps Seven can find her assimilation file in the data base?

"I'll contact her immediately."

"Captain?"

"Yes Doctor?"

"She's going to need someone to take care of her once I release her from Sickbay."

"I'm sure there are some on board who would love to take her in. I'll make an announcement in the morning. Right now I need to get to the bridge."

Janeway turns and begins to walk away from the bio-bed where the baby is. The Doctor stops her as he takes her arm in his grasp.

"Captain please wait a moment."

Janeway turns to the Doctor surprised at his reaction.

"Is there something else Doctor?"

"Captain please, she is going to need someone to take care of her. Someone who she is already connected to we can't just give her to anyone she only responds to you. Seven, and the other children. If she is given to someone who doesn't know her she may not be able to adapt as easily as the others."

"What are you saying Doctor?"

"Seven already has three children to look after. The only person left that she's already bonding with is…you."

"Me? Doctor you can't be serious I already have 146 wait 150 other people to look after I can't take care of a baby. I'm still Captain of this ship and I still intend to get them home. I have other duties."

"Please Captain or all our efforts to get her and the other off that cube will be in vain."

"I wouldn't say they were in vain. We've saved them from a terrible life as part of a collective. Now they have a chance to have a normal life as individuals. I don't regret what I've done. But I can't take care of an infant myself. She deserves two parents to love and nurture it and you know I can't do that."

"You once told me that you wanted children. Why would she be any different then your own children?

"I just can't be what she needs. I told you already she deserves two parents to love her. I can't be her mother."

"I know there isn't a rule that keeps you away from having relationships on the ship. Why did you say that there was a regulation? "

"You're right Doctor there isn't a regulation for the Captain to see someone on their ship."

"Then why did you say it?"

Janeway shifts uncomfortably in her shoes as she gestures the Doctor into h is office. He follows her and both take a seat inside his office.

"I've had two serious relationships in my life. First there was Justin then Mark both I loved very much and I planned to marry. I lost Justin and I lost my father under that ice burg in the Tau Ceti system. It took me years to get over that. When I finally did and began seeing Mark I thought finally I could forgive myself for what happened. I got my assignment with Voyager then the Caretaker pulled us here."

"Captain you had no control over what the Caretaker did. It wasn't your fault that we got stranded in the Delta Quadrant."

"Have you forgotten _I_ was the one who destroyed the Caretaker's array; _I_ was the one who put the Ocampan before my crew; and _I_ was the one who stranded this crew in the Delta Quadrant. Now because of my actions it will take us 75 years to get home and I lost Mark."

"I don't see how that's relevant to why you stated there was a regulation that prevented you from seeing another member of your crew or why you can't take care of that baby in there."

"You don't understand Doctor. I just can't do that I can't condemn either of them to a life with me. Everyone I get close to I loose I won't allow that to happen. That baby deserves better."

"What about you? What about your happiness?"

"My happiness is not as important as my crew's happiness."

"Is that all that's preventing you from having a romantic relationship or to care for the baby?"

"Yes is there any other?"

"You've told me what you thought now I want to tell you what I have observed over the last six years."

"Observed?"

"It's been nearly seven years since I was activated and over the years this is what I have found. I found you, a Federation Captain, take in a rebel group, the Maquis on her ship. You had the two crews join to make a Starfleet crew against your better judgment and knowing very well the risks involved. You took in not only the Maquis crew but Neelix, Kes, Seven, the Borg children."

"That's different Doctor."

"Different? How is that so different? You gave all of them a chance. What do you think would have happened if you never took them on the ship? Neelix would still be scavenging for spare components to trade. Kes would never have been freed from the Kazon and developed her telepathic skills to a level buried for centuries. Seven would still be a part of the collective as well as the children. Tom and B'Elanna never would have become an item. We would never have made first contact with over 400 different species native to the Delta Quadrant. Can't you see how much of an impact you've had to every member of your crew? They are happy for what you've done for them now maybe it's time to think about your happiness."

"It's just not a luxury that I have. I need to keep my mind focused on our original goal, to return home by all means. Having a relationship and a child just can't be a part of my life now."

"Permission to speak freely Captain?"

"Granted"

"75 year is a very long time. Do you really want to give up everything you ever wanted? You told me that you were selfish by destroying the array to get the crew home. You are hiding behind that and preventing yourself from being happy. Why don't you think about yourself for once."

"Myself sure there are many things I wanted to do. I certainly didn't expect to be traveling across an unknown sector. But that's how things turned out and now I am. I wanted a husband, a family, but I knew the chances of that here in the Delta Quadrant wasn't possible still I did it. There are things that are more important right now. I need to get the crew home and I can't be distracted by a romantic relationship with a member of the crew nor raise a baby. I'm not a mother and I'm not a lover that's just the way things are now and I have dealt with that the best I can."

Janeway again exits the office and head for the door stopping only briefly to see the baby one more time before she goes on duty. The Doctor exits his office just before Janeway walks out the doors.

"You love him."

Janeway is taken aback and shocked at what the Doctor just said it takes time to recover but she manages just before the doors swish open as she turns to the Doctor.

"Excuse me?"

"Chakotay, you love him?"

"You are out of line Doctor."

She walks to him again pointing her index finger at him. The Doctor pulls her hand down as he says…

"I may be out of line but you can't deny what I have said is true can you?"

"I don't…_love_ Chakotay, he is my First Officer, my conscious, my guide, and most importantly he is a very good friend nothing more. You have no right saying that now I want you to forget about everything you said."

"If you don't love him then why are you protecting him? If you don't have any feelings for him why are you defending what I said?"

"I'm not _defending _what you said I'm trying to make you understand that Chakotay and I are friends. What ever gave you the idea that it was ever more then that?"

"I can see it in your behavior. The way you act when you're around him?"

"The way I _act _around him now exactly how is that Doctor please enlighten me?"

"Fine the way you look at him when he sits next to you on the bridge. Your reaction when someone shows interest in him. You can't stand it you can't help but think of what could have been. Since we brought you back from New Earth all those years ago I've seen the love you have for each other why hide it express it."

"I think B'Elanna should check your eyes Doctor you are seeing things."

"I'm not the only one who can see the love you have for each other. Every member of the crew can see it even if you both refuse to. Admit it you love Chakotay and you wish things could have been different don't you?"

"Fine I do care for him as more then just a friend but we can't be together."

"What's stopping you?"

Janeway is left speechless as the baby cries from her incubator. Naturally Janeway goes to her to soothe her without realizing what she's doing. She takes her in her arms and rocks her softly until she settles.

"Don't tell me you don't care for her either Captain?"

The Doctor says showing her the baby is asleep again. Janeway shifts uncomfortably in her shoes as she places the infant back down.

"You're right I do care for her but I'm not a mother and I can't be her mother."

She exits Sickbay quickly just as the door is ready to swish closed…

"Whether you believe it or not Captain the crew sees you as a mother figure to them."

She stops briefly to contemplate what the Doctor said he was right about everything, Chakotay, the baby, her crew she was just to stubborn to go with it.

"Someday Captain, someday you'll give into what's you feel."

The Doctor says just as the door close.

"Soon."

He goes back to the baby Borg and his medical PADD.

The End


End file.
